i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
