This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
