so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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