So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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