She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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