guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
