Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
