Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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