I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
