shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
