Christians are straight up FREAKS
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
