He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
