I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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