did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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