Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
