I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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