Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
