her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
