maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
