i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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