every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
