I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
