The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fuck appropriateness.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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