just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
