I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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