remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
