You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
