I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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