and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
