I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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