i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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