My liver just broke up with me...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
