i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
