I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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