if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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