There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
