This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
