Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize