R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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