i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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