My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
