I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
