Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
