Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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