I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
