ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
