one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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