My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
