Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
