I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I want her autograph on my taint
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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