She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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