you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
