some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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