I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
