I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
