apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
