I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
love makes seman taste better
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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