First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
