oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
porn star boner night. come get it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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