she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
