I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
