On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize