my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
