Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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