I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
