yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
handjob tips. give me some.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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