I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
