I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize