A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
