Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
