Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
