I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
