time to smoke my breakfast
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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