I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
