Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
