When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
