I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
