It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How's work?
Spinning.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
