you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
