He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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