my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I deserve this hangover.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
