When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
