Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
