Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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