I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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