ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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