i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
