3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
