omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize