Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
