Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
that is very illegal...i love you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
