i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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