I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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