You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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