Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
