I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
