I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize