id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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